Being parents of a large family is the hardest work – not everyone dares to do it. Each child needs to be given support and encouragement, to be taught love and understanding.
When a family grows up not one, but several children, there may be various difficulties in the process of raising them. But they can be overcome. A large family – it’s a kind of small separate state in which all members of the large group, every day has to build a good relationship with all household members. And this certainly has its pluses and minuses. Upbringing in a large family is somewhat different. In this article, father of many children Kirill Yurovskiy will share the main points of education.
Parents should also remember that the smallest children are the most sensitive to the peculiarities of this complex process. Psychologists believe that the problems that arise in large families are most often caused by biased parental behavior.
Every mother of a large family should have a clear idea of all the difficult moments that are characteristic of raising several children at the same time.
What mistakes can parents make in raising children in a large family?
Quite often parents do not even try to get into conflicts between children, do not look for the “instigator”, and sometimes may not even understand and immediately punish the innocent. This leads to the fact that some of the children accumulate hidden resentment and form a negative view of everything around, and even of the world. So, examining the mistakes in the behavior of each of the children, always find an opportunity to remember and its merits. And never make parallels with other children, for better or for worse.
In families with many children, even the mother who does not work, still has a huge amount of work to do around the house. And if in this case children are left to themselves most of the time, it can contribute to the formation of a distorted system of values, which is not similar to the generally accepted. And it also prevents them from building normal relationships with other children as well.
Parenting in a large family – If mom and dad do not spend time with each child individually, it can cause not only conflicts between the children, but also cause them to develop an inferiority complex and increased anxiety. This will, in turn, lead to the fact that children will become cranky and aggressive. It can be explained simply: by such behavior, they are trying to attract the attention of parents who do not spend time with them individually.
Therefore, parents should know that no matter how many children they have, each child should feel like the most important person in Mom and Dad’s life.
Parents should also remember that comparing children is simply unacceptable. Every child, from the moment of birth, is a certain unique personality. Because of this, children who are born in the same family may differ both in appearance and character. That is why it is important to preserve the child’s individuality and it is important never to compare children with each other. As a result of such careless comparisons they may develop a strong belief that they are not as loved, that they do not suit the parents and will consider themselves the weakest and most unnecessary in the family. Changing all of this then, it will be very difficult.
Parents with many children also need to be clear about the fact that children remain children. Quite often in families with several children, there is a practice that parents of their older children make nannies for the younger ones. On the one hand everything is understandable, because mom needs help and asking for it is quite easy for an older child. Some parents justify themselves by saying that when they accustom older children to help parents in the upbringing of younger children, thus they raise them to be good family men. And it is not uncommon for such children to grow up with a strong resentment in the back of their minds. Psychologists have even had cases where children from large families in which they had to care for their younger siblings refused to have children of their own, tired from an early age by the brutal duties of caring for their younger brothers or sisters. Creating a comfortable well-being for all children in a large family is a serious pedagogical and creative task for parents.
The rules of big family life
First rule: authority of parents
The interests and needs of the child – the most important thing for parents. They must take care of the children, but should not turn into service personnel. We must not forget that children respect those who have a strong character, who are successful and interesting. Therefore, it is necessary that besides taking care of children, mom and dad would also have their own interests and activities.
The second rule: attention and love to everyone
Regardless of their age, children need love and attention. It is very important to find time to be alone with each child: talk, confide, pity – unrealized children’s needs can grow into adult problems. How to build this communication? Very simple: Give priority in communication to the one who needs it most right now.
The third rule: Personal space
Each child should have his or her own personal space – a zone of privacy. If there is no opportunity to give everyone a separate room, then it is possible to be limited to a small corner: a table, a screen, a shelf with personal belongings. The main thing is that none of the housemates should not intrude into someone else’s space, or take things without demand, or impose their society. This should be discussed with all the children.
The fourth rule is that every child is unique
This rule can also be formulated as “don’t compare children”, because it generates competition and even hostility between them. Each child is different, he has his own set of genes, he is in his own way similar to his parents. So love each child, support, if he faced with difficulties, help him find his own way.
The fifth rule: friendship
Friendship between children should be formed when there are only two of them. There should be no competition between them, they should be able to enjoy each other’s successes and support in failures. In their friendly company, they will then take the third and subsequent children. Of course, quarrels and conflicts are inevitable, but most importantly, they are constructive and end up making the right decisions. There should be no outcasts and rejected in the family.
The sixth rule: an equal distribution of responsibilities
You can not take on all household chores. Everyone should help out around the house, and duties should be distributed according to strength and age. One should not think that older children should only do housework and take care of younger children, because they have their own interests.
It is important that homework is not used as a punishment and is not abolished for merit – their duties must always be done. Housework teaches children responsibility, builds self-care skills, and develops a desire to help each other.
The seventh rule: family tea parties
Family dinners are very important. They discuss the results of the day, make plans, and deal with urgent issues. Everyone should have their own place at the table. In a large family it is difficult enough to arrange a common dinner on weekdays: parents may come late, the children may have evening classes or activities, so each family member dines when he wants, and at a common table, talking, drinking tea or enjoying fruit. No televisions or phones! Quiet music can be used for background, so you don’t have to bang the appliances in silence. This kind of communication is very bonding.
The eighth rule: Traditions
For the family to maintain integrity and friendship, it is necessary to organize common events: family movie watching, walks, hikes, cultural programs, joint reading. In a large family plays will take root – they can prepare, say, for each New Year. You can all do creative work together – it’s important to involve everyone. Over time, the family will have favorite writers, movies, music, jokes, and shared photos will add to the warmth and joy of the house.
Your family may have its own laws, but the main thing is that the adults do not have disagreements about the “set of rules” of behavior. The main rule to remember: you should not live for yourself, and not for the children, and for the family – to live in peace and harmony with each other.
